This week is World Breastfeeding Week! You cannot know or understand my story without knowing my relationship with breastfeeding. I have so many emotions towards this topic so bear with me as I try to unpack it a little bit.
During my pregnancy I had always planned to breastfeed, my mother in law is a lactation consultant so I knew I would have an abundance of knowledge and information on the subject. However, my husband and I also agreed if it was causing too much stress, we wouldn't force it. When we found out I would need chemotherapy, I knew I wouldn't be able to breastfeed for long but it would take about a month after my diagnosis for me to get my treatment underway. I was grateful for the gift of a month to nurse my baby. I did switch to mostly pumping from that point on. In my crazy postpartum + emotionally overloaded mind I thought I could pump enough milk and get a stash stored up in that time. I also hated the idea of falling in love with nursing my baby, getting in a routine, and then having to wean her almost immediately.
Twelve days after my daughter's birth I started fertility treatments to prepare for egg extraction and embryo freezing. We felt so grateful that we could get this treatment and procedure done before my chemo began (a lot of women are told they do not have time) that we really did not ask many questions. Things were moving fast. We knew this is what we needed to do so we were going to do it. No time or need for questions.ReUnite Rx Oncofertility Program covered the cost of all our medications ($3000-$6000 value) and we were approved for financing for the actual egg extraction and embryo freezing procedure ($9000-$10,000). There were so many uncertainties about medical bills for the upcoming year, we felt incredibly fortunate to have these options. (It is worth noting these were 2019 prices so they are not current). We showed up for our tutorial appointment to learn how to administer the fertility drugs and learned at that moment that the injections were not safe for our baby and it would be my final day breastfeeding. I did not have the month of breastfeeding I thought I did or the time to build up a stash like I thought I could. I was devastated. But like with everything else, friends, family and even strangers went out of their way to help us. We were blessed that our barely preemie (36wd3d) baby qualified her for a milk bank prescription. I connected with the Texas chapter ofHuman Milk 4 Human Babies. Two of my cousins who had newborns at the time shipped me breastmilk, one of which ended up donating over 10,000oz to us - pumping, freezing, packing, shipping (link to breastmilk shipping box) - an act of kindness I will never be able to get over (see a little of the process in the pictures below). She is now my daughter's Godmother :-).
In fact, both my girls were fed 100% by milk donors through their first birthdays. When I was looking for breast milk in the HM4HB group I learned about Third Strand Foundation. Third Strand is an incredible organization that screens and provides two months (approx. 10 gallons) of unpasteurized breast milk to newborns for any mother that is unable to breastfeed due to death or illness. Recently, they have expanded into providing milk for adopted infants as well. By the time I learned about their mission my first daughter was too old for their donor program but they fed my second daughter! I have lost count of the number of women who have donated to our girls and I am forever grateful to every single one of them.
I am sure many of you are thinking, why breastmilk? Why not just switch to a formula? Well to be honest, when we first learned I wouldn't be able to breastfeed I thought we would just switch to formula. But I was blessed to have people who wanted to donate to us and then I found this incredible community of women that wanted to help. This community of donors and people helping other people truly just out of the goodness in their heart was exactly what we needed through my treatment. I loved the connections I made with other moms and the support and encouragement I would get any time I posted in search of milk. Many people do not know about or feel comfortable receiving breast milk from other people, but there are an abundance of resources on the internet to help educate families on safe milk sharing! In addition to the organizations previously mentioned, Share the Drop is a breastmilk sharing app that helps connect donors and families. Eats on Feet is another wonderful organization helping educate on the topic as well.
The more I learned and the more I connected with others, the more I knew I wanted to keep feeding my babies with donor milk. Since breast milk was our original preference, it felt so good to be able to still give our baby breastmilk even if it wasn't coming from me. It provided me with an added sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. However you choose to feed your baby is wonderful. Fed truly is best. But we all deserve to know and understand each of our options when it comes to caring for our babies. If you want to give your baby breastmilk but cannot produce/produce enough for any reason, there are safe options for you! In all my research during my first pregnancy I never once learned that donor milk was an option. It shouldn't take a cancer diagnosis for us to learn about this incredible community. Milk sharing is not just for moms with cancer or an illness that "qualifies'' you for donor milk. All families are eligible, whatever your circumstances.
My gratitude for the milk sharing community is immeasurable but I still do not feel like I have properly grieved the loss of my ability to breastfeed. I haven't quite figured out the happy/grateful and sad-at-the-same time emotion; it is a complicated one for sure. I am not really sure what it will take to properly grieve that loss, maybe it's just something I will carry forever. If so, that's okay. I am so happy to have had those few days, to at least have been able to give my baby the colostrum. I feel guilty that my second child never got that bonding moment with me or any of that liquid gold colostrum. I feel sad that I feel guilty because I know I shouldn't feel that way; our head and our heart don't always agree though. I feel proud that we were still able to give our girls breastmilk. And I feel so grateful for the organizations and milk donors I have come to know. I keep reading that grief never really goes away but you learn to step into the alternatively beautiful things the experience has led you to. I have definitely found that to be true in many ways.
If you have any questions about milk sharing, shipping breast milk, traveling with breast milk or how to safely use frozen breast milk please email me (healthyotherwise@gmail.com). I will definitely expand on this topic in more blog posts but would love to help others feel comfortable using donor milk.
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