I see it all the time. "Mary passed away after losing a long battle with cancer." Ugh. Cringe. No one with cancer should ever be considered a "loser" in any way. We lose so many things already - precious time with our family, our immune system and ability to travel, body parts and functions, control of our life. The surviving family and friends lose a person special to them. To say someone "loses" their battle with cancer is demeaning. It suggests the person had a choice in the matter at all. Or that cancer "wins" if someone dies from the disease. Cancer does not continue thriving after death. Cancer never wins.
President Nixon declared a "War on Cancer" in 1971. Surely a great political movement to hang your hat on and without a doubt it was accompanied by a catchy little tagline. Marketing campaigns around the globe ran with wartime metaphors from there. Cancer patients are "warriors". The treatment phase is a "battle". We're all "fighting." But the problem with this is that it infers that we have the ability to "win" if we just do all the right things. I have no idea why my treatment worked for me but it did not for someone else. No one knows. If we did, we would prescribe the treatment that would work every time. I am not a "winner" or "victorious" because the treatment worked for me. I did not try harder, better, longer, or smarter than anyone else. I did not pray more than others. God did not love me more than the next person. I am lucky. For whatever reason, my cancer responded to treatment.
The unfortunate reality of cancer is that once the disease advances and spreads (becomes metastatic) death from cancer is very likely no matter what you do. Let's toss this dated idea that cancer patients "lose". Stuart Scott has a great quote we should all remember. He says, "When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.” Death is unavoidable, with or without cancer. People living with cancer bravely show up every day to make impossible decisions - decisions we hope we never have to make. The courage to take on the realities of their diagnosis, especially those with advanced disease, are an example of bravery and teach us how to live everyday feeling blessed and grateful for another day of life! To those who have been the example, thank you. We promise to remember that you beat cancer by the way you chose to live.
Written in loving memory of Gray D, Fraser B, Nalie A, Megan B, Emily W, Judie M, and all those with no other choice but to be courageous.
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